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Sho Minazuki vs Yang Xiao Long
WARNING This One Minute Melee contains what may be considered an unbearable amount of puns. If you are allergic to puns or any jokes of that nature, take caution before reading. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. Interlude ONE MINUTE MELEE! WHERE ALL OF THE FIGHTS ARE SETTLED IN AT LEAST 60 SECONDS! 2 FIGHTERS! NO RESEARCH! AT LEAST 60 SECONDS! MELEE!!! Intro ''Junes Electronics Department ''Cue Music 1 It was Silver Tuesday over at Junes. School was out, great deals were everywhere, and hordes of high school students flooded the halls of this supermarket. One of these crazed groups was the "esteemed" Team RWBY of Beacon Academy, though it seems one of their own has gotten herself lost looking for the perfect item. "Where is it?!" "Please miss, just calm down- AAH! This is why I hate vacations!" was the quick conversation that went by as Ms Xiao Long barreled through an unfortunate man in a red suit with horned hair. "Oh, I just know Rubes is going to love this for her birthday! There has to be one in here somewhere!" Unbeknownst to her however, a poorly disguised "student" by the name of Sho Minazuki was seeking the same item. "Dammit, how the hell did I let Amagi talk me into buying this piece of shit?" He mumbled as he strutted down the aisles. "I can already tell this is going to be a pain in my ass but I might as well get it over with." Sho purposefully shoved a random cosplayer out of his way before continuing his search. "Hey, watch where you're going you-" she muttered out as Sho quickly walked away. The teenagers had finally tracked down their target: Tales of Hyperdimentia & Knuckles: The Fates Awaken mk3 Special Edition: Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series. "Holy crap, there it is!" they exclaimed as they sprinted towards the incredibly rare game. *BOOSH!* "What the hell?!" "Shit!" Both teenagers cursed as they fell to the ground. The other "student's" black wig and glasses fell off to reveal a set of red hair and an X shaped scar. "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry but I've gotta go!" Yang blurted out before nabbing the game and attempting to run off not even noticing her assailant's appearance. "Hey! Don't even think about TALEing it off with that game!" Sho yelled as he grabbed Yang by the foot, making her fall down a second time. "What? Why don't you go yangk your own copy off someone else?!" " Ha ha ha ha! It's great to see someone that appreciates such PUNctual humor but I'm gonna have to stab ya for that!" Shoe replied as he got off the ground and pulled two katanas out of nowhere. "Heh, then it's a good thing I always come prepared!" Yang spat as she unveiled her Ember Celica gauntlets. "You'd better give it your breast shot!" Sho said as he prepared for the fight. LET'S START THIS SHODOWN OFF WITH A YANG! FIGHT! '''Cue Music 2 Yang quickly tucked the game into her pocket before opening fire with Ember Celica. Sho responded by tossing a set of knives in her direction before darting through the incoming fire. "Wow, looks like you're pretty heavily armed there!" The katana wielder said as his blades began clashing with Yang's gauntlets. "You having fun? I sure am!" Yang said as she continued parrying blows. "Yeah, I'm having a real killer time here!" Sho attempted a quick stabbing motion with his blades but Yang unloaded two more blasts sending both fighters hurtling backwards into the shelves, stacks of games collapsing onto their heads. "Oh no, you made me commit genocide!" Yang cried as she threw a broken Sega Genesis right at him. He blocked it easily but was surprised to see Yang recoil off the ground for a devastating smack to the face with a conveniently placed Remote. He was sent flying off into the clothing department. "And Wii have a home run!" "Okay, now I'm fleeced!" Sho decided to pick up a rack of jackets and hurl it at Yang. She easily blew it up as it flew towards her but Sho took the opportunity to feint behind her and perform 4 quick slashes followed by a straight kick, laughing as he sent Yang directly into a mirror. "You're a real glasshole you know that?!" Yang shot through the store and began attempting to give Sho another sucker punch to the face. None of her attacks connected, instead burning the surrounding clothes and tearing down shelves as Sho darted around, sometimes stopping to parry one of Yang's punches. "Wow, you kind of suck as a boxer. Why don't I give you something to card off your boardome?" He slammed a cardboard box onto Yang's head. Taking advantage of the confusion Sho began another combo attack, rising up into the air and slamming into the ground, taking Yang the entire way with him. Said combo ended with both fighters in June's grocery section. Yang landed in a batch of Spinach, covered in juices. "That's it, now I'm yangr-" Yang didn't finish speaking when she noticed some of her hair came off and fell onto the crushed veggies. With nary another word, her eyes began to turn red and her hair began to glow like a Super Saiyan. "Huh, you know I never considered myself a vegetarian but that stuff certainly makes you stro-" Sho started to say before narrowly dodging another shotgun blast. Yang began firing wildly, the missed shots all going out of the grocery section and wreaking havoc in the other aisles. "Ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, how many people do you think you just murdered out there? Do it again!" Sho was quickly intercepted by random pieces of food getting thrown in his direction, hitting him multiple times. "Then you probably wont mind if I steak your heart!" Yang cried as she did just that to Sho. She followed up by repeatedly blasting the spot on his body with the actual steak faster than the swordsman could react. With one last blow, a large shockwave hurtled the red head into the edge of the electronics department and demolished what was left of June's produce section. "Hey, I appreciate you tenderizing it but I prefer my beef medium rare, not well done!"Sho snarked as he tossed more knives in the blonde's direction. "Then you'll find I'm hotter than the sun in the middle of July!" Yang began to close in at alarming speeds, the red head began charging up one last attack, both with the intent to end the fight with a real... yang. 3... 2... 1... "TRAITOR!" "WHAT THE HELL?!" "Ted, why are are you carrying a stun baton?" "TRAITO-" "Would you just shut up about that?!" Cue Music 3 This poorly timed arrival by one Yosuke Hanamura and Teddie the "Mascot Bear" made both teenagers lose their focus and nearly stumble into the nearest televison. "Hey, we're in the middle of a fight here! Could you move along and let us finish so I can kick this guy's ass?" Yang complained as she regained her balance. "Uh, hello? Blondie? Murdering Maniac? Do you two realized how much of this store you just destroyed? My salary is completely boned because of you!!" Yosuke complained as he motioned to the massive carnage caused by the melee. "And we're beary beary angry at you for all this! Besides, my puns are beary much bearter than yours!" "Ha, we all know that's a bear faced lie! Besides, what makes you two losers think you can just waltz in and stop us?" Sho demanded. "Good question Shoboy. Teddie, the secret weapon." "Yosuke, you don't mean-" "Yes, the situation calls for it. I don't feel bad about this for a second." The bear responded by pulling out a crossbow and... "Oh my eyes! My everything! What the hell is that thing!" Yang cried out as she bore witness to the purple gas emitting monstrosity that was Mystery Food X mk5. "Oh shit, we've gotta bail now!" Sho warned as he quickly stabbed the nearest power box. He quickly grabbed Yang's hand and both teens fled for their lives as the emergency power quickly came back on. "You don't have to tell me twice! But wait... where's-" "Yeah and don't come back... Oh sweet! I've been looking for this game forever!" Yosuke spoke in surprise as he picked up a game that Yang had dropped during her fight. The fleeing teens could only utter one word as they realized what had happened. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Results Cue Music 4 '''THIS MELEE'S VICTORY GOES TO... THE JUNES SECURITY TEAM! (aka Yosuke and Teddie) Category:What-If? One Minute Melees Category:'Battle of the Genders' themed One Minute Melees Category:Completed What-If? One Minute Melees Category:Team MMYP One Minute Melees Category:One Minute Melees with Music